The Unplanned Pregnancy
How I'm unexpectedly preparing for motherhood...
It was March, I had been ill on and off for weeks, my doctor was baffled then suddenly one day, my mind clicked. I was late...by over a week. I was beyond stressed with uni and put it down to that, but to put my mind at ease I bought a test. I got home that Thursday evening exhausted from a full day of lectures and took the test, convincing myself it would be negative and it was fine. Then i picked up the test and my heart dropped. It was positive.
That was mid March, its now mid May and indeed I am pregnant, and got to see little baby bear last week wriggling around my my belly. I am still coming to terms with it all. It was not planned and came at a bad time, BUT I do not have the heart to have a termination, I could never live with the guilt and I knew I would hate myself for it.
I found out at 5 weeks that I was pregnant, I'm now 14 weeks and looking back on everything that has happened so far. It has been a very difficult journey so far. The baby's father left me unable to come to terms with it, I am out of work and barely hanging onto to finish my Masters degree. I suffered terribly with morning sickness for weeks on end, hardly able to stomach anything more than toast or plain food.
Although my life feels like a disaster my family have been an incredible help. They are all so supportive and my angel of a mother is helping take care of me as I am still limited on what I can do due to exhaustion. They have helped me greatly by helping me buy things I need for baby bear and being a listening ear when things get too much for me.
In the past 2 weeks I have tried and failed at getting another job and unable to gain financial help from the government until the baby is born. Yesterday I broke down over it all, thinking I had already failed my child as I am financially screwed. I spent the evening crying and feeling like a failure because there is nothing I can do.
Before my child has even been born I am already learning the cost of everything, luckily I have managed to get the main things already thanks to baby events and sales from retailers. I managed to get a crib for just under £50.
I have also managed to gain a pile of clothes from my brother and his girlfriend's little one (my nephew) who is outgrowing his clothes rather quickly! Even though I don't know the gender yet, I have found that there is a lot I can use on a boy or a girl, who says girls cant wear blue?! They have also given me a load of unopened brand new bottles, blankets and other bits. I am beyond grateful for the things they have passed on to me, it has saved me so much money.
I have also bought bits from the charity shop second hand and new things. Again this has helped me saved a load of cash too. I am on such a tight budget but even buying second hand or having hand me downs is a tremendous help.
There is still much to buy but I know as long as I have the main bits, things will be okay. I have asked my family for my upcoming birthday that I would much appreciate £ towards getting some more thing I need for baby bear instead of for me. I would be much happier knowing I have everything I need for my little one.
After reading other stories and blogs of single mums I feel reassured knowing that it does not matter if I don't have everything before they are born. As long as I have the basic essentials and I'm fed to keep up my energy for the endless night feeds, everything is going to be fine.
For any mum to be reading this
That moment you find out is terrifying, where you have a partner or not know you aren't ever truly alone. There is support out there, family, friends and online support.
You don't need everything brand new! Second hand clothing and blankets are perfectly fine! :-)
Look in the sales, you'd be surprised what you can get, also try Facebook market place and your local free cycle!
There are also many support groups on Facebook that you can chat with other expectant mums or single parents! I have joined a group and its nice to have the emotional support there.
We are never truly alone and help will be at hand for those who look.