Heartbroken and Pregnant
Dealing with the heartache while pregnant....
When I was younger I always knew that one day, I wanted to be a mom. I always wanted one of each and take them out doing all the cool stuff I was...
Many years down the line, I still wanted kids but not until I had a good steady job and my own place. Unfortunately...things never go to plan.
I find myself still in uni studying for my MA and a positive pregnancy test. Me and my now ex, had been together 4 and a half years, when I told him, naturally he was upset, anyone would be in the situation we were in. We both live at home with our parents and now unexpectedly was going to be parents by Christmas.
He didn't come around easily and struggled with it and be honest so was I, but personally I knew I couldn't go through with a termination.
Week 13 came around fast, we were having some issues and then it happened. Unexpectedly, he broke up with me. I was devastated, I remember crying so hard i was sick ( I was suffering serve hypermesis). I was accused of some things that aren't true. I couldn't understand it, how the hell did it get to this point?
This is not a post to slam him or say what was said. I'm not that type of person,YES it ended badly but telling the world why would not change a thing and cause more hurt than healing.
2 weeks later... i'm now 15 weeks. He still wants to be there for his child, which is something... I guess...
My family and close friends all question me and are frustrated with me asking me why? Why on earth am I still letting him in and be there for the baby. Someone said to me 'he walked away from you, he has no rights with that child'. This stung like another knife through the chest. It was hard enough knowing I had lost him without them criticising me for letting him still be there for this child. YES I am the one carrying the baby, dealing with all the crap and hard times that comes with pregnancy and he isn't ....BUT at the end of the day, it takes 2 to make a baby, he is still the father, he has the right to know his child.
Having him at the appointments and not talking unless its to do with the baby is beyond hard and its difficult not to cry, my heart still aches but at least this child will have 2 parents.
I have had heartbreak in the past, but being pregnant and having a broken heart is a whole new level of hurt. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There are good days and bad days and days where I just want to lie in bed and cry. BUT when your pregnant, you don't get that option, you have to get up and take care of yourself for the sake of your unborn child. I have to constantly push through the pain I'm feeling to make sure i'm fed, I've taken the vitamins and stuff I need to and exercise my constant exhausted self and then somehow try to keep going with my uni studies.
I've been reading other stories similar to mine, women facing the same challenges I am. Its beyond hard, to think any guys would do that and then it happens to you. It is a struggle to get up everyday and carry on, to fight the horrible thoughts in my head that my depression scream at me. To carry on when everything seems to be against me.
I lie in bed every night and try to not to think about it. I have to tell myself that I am strong because I've gone another day without him. I have the support of my family and friends which is a god send because doing this without the one you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with, can seem unbearable. I'm so thankful I have them there, my pregnancy isn't easy and I haven't been able to care for myself properly, they have helped me greatly and I feel like a burden to them.
There are thoughts in my head which worry me daily and I wonder if he will truly stay and be there for the baby... Its a terrifying thought, but I know it is something beyond my control.... I try my best to distract myself but how can you distract yourself with all these extra emotions running through you?
I wish I could say that I hate him with everything left of my heart, but it would be a huge lie...
Going through a similar situation?
Ladies ITS HARD. Day after day and all anyone says is that it will get better in time.... NO that isn't helpful! I was told that if he leaves you during a time in your life when you need them most, they are not worth it. they are a complete ass. Maybe its true, but how can you believe this when you gave them everything and all you want to have them again?
Maybe it might get better over time, who knows? All I wish for most in the world now, is to be free of all this pain because it is a whole new level ladies. We can tolerate a lot but this... this feels like an extreme sport in emotion tolerance.
All I can say is I am sorry. Sorry if you are going through this. It is horrible and it sucks so much.
The best thing you can do is just try your best to keep going, for your baby's sake. Fight through the pain and the hurt, It is so damn hard yes, but we can do it. There will be days that seem harder than others and days where you just want to lie in bed and cry. CRY if you need to, bottling it up is not healthy. Just focus on you for now, eat what you need to, and practice self care, I can't promise when it will get easier but I can say that self care does help.
Join a support group on social media or seek professional help, there is no shame in doing so. Don't go through it alone.
To any guy reading this....
Pregnancy is hard on a relationship and it will test you, pushing you both to your limits. But if you truly love someone, find a way through it, talk it out. THERE IS NO SHAME in letting your feelings show. Children need both parents.
It is hard guys, I know, we are hungry a lot, we sleep a lot, we may get grumpy and snap.... we don't mean too! we have all these extra hormones we didn't ask for running round our bodies while growing another human, it is exhausting! If things feel too much for you, talk it out PLEASE don't through your entire relationship away because of it, Yes its hard to admit your feelings knowing they may hurt the other person but if it saves a relationship with the one you love why hide the truth?
Support each other guys and girls... its a tough world.